16/6/2022
online
Samuel Martínez y Diego Veloso
on-line
Online workshop for men*
Duego Veloso and Samuel Martínez (partners of Instituto Trabajo de Procesos)
June 16, 17:30 to 20:30 (CET) (workshop in Spanish without translation)
[REGISTRATION: https://forms.gle/g3V9PFahpeVySHXv9]
We invite you to participate in this 3-hour practical workshop in which you will be able to delve into what happens to you when asking for help, and learn new ways of relating to this part of your life. We will do it through guided work, partner exercises and group dynamics, facilitated from the Process Work perspective.
On June 26, we facilitated an online Open Forum under the title “Help…? AID! What happens to us men with this asking for help?«. Part of the reason for holding the forum was to listen and learn about other visions and experiences on this topic, and with those learnings to be able to design the workshop on June 16.
In the forum, a dozen men share our own reflections, experiences, feelings and thoughts on this topic for two hours. Both for those who attended and for those who did not, we offer you a summary of the topics and experiences that were shared and that will guide the dynamics that we will propose in the workshop:
WHAT HAPPENED IN THE FORUM?
the great stamina
«When I think about asking for help, it comes to me that I am weak and I can’t handle it.»
“Break, break…put anything else in the salad rather than ask for help”
“Doing FOR YOURSELF is good. A value. I strive, I strive.”
“The world teaches us: if you don’t do this task well, YOU ARE NOT WORTH IT.”
“…something is wrong but you CAN’T STOP, how could you stop?
«In terms of production, it is easier for me to ask for help. But EMOTIONALLY, I DON’T KNOW»
«I ask when I CANNOT ANYMORE»
Atlas, the titan that supports the world. The ball weighs more and more and crushes us.»
“It’s what we have to do in life, it’s the ONLY THING WE KNOW HOW TO DO”
The great endurance (and its consequences)
«Strong signs of DEPRESSION. A very dark tunnel.
«In those situations of not being able to take it anymore, THE RAGE appears.»
“The deserve. I do not deserve this”.
“There are also physical pains, injuries…”
“When we don’t give up, WE HIT ROCK. We block. Before asking for help.
And what do we need?
“We do not know. A feeling of NEEDING SOMETHING, of not being able to do more.»
“Speak and express. TO BE LISTENED, and not so much that they solve a problem for me.»
“Ah, the difficulty of expressing.”
Another obstacle: the invoice
“The debit and the credit.”
“When I think about asking for help, the bill scares me. I will be in DEBT.”
What happens when I ask for it
“I think I’m asking for help and they tell me I’m GIVING ORDERS.”
Asking for help the wrong way. I don’t know how to do it because I haven’t practiced it.”
“Ask for help vs. MANIPULATE to get what you want. desire vs. need.”
“It’s hard to hear ‘NO’ AS AN ANSWER after asking for help.”
“If you don’t give me what I want, it’s not worth it.”
“If you want something to go right, do it YOURSELF.”
previous experiences
«The “better do it yourself” comes out reinforced. I have a hard time remembering satisfying experiences about asking for help.”
“I realize right now that I can’t take it anymore”
“You’re overreacting! You won’t be that bad, LESS COUNT.”
“I think we all carry that struggle inside”
The references
«My father needing help, not a gesture of pain»
“Saying with his look: YOU SHOULD KNOW I need help”
“I wouldn’t even have to tell you anything. The requirement»
The world
“Gender.”
“The doing.”
“The productivity.”
“Feminism.”
“My masculinity.”
Phew
“It’s getting so big, it seems IMPOSSIBLE to ask for help”
“A curse, a prison from which there is no way out.”
“Distress. A crushing weight…”
«I asked for help for theory. I fell to the bottom and asked myself what do I really need? I GAVE UP, let go of what I couldn’t hold and followed intuition. And I found the help I needed”
“When you DROP the weight, you tell yourself and you say you can’t take it anymore, you give yourself permission to listen to yourself and know what you need and let intuition guide you.”
What is difficult to convey
These are some of the things that happened and were said. And yet, perhaps the most special thing is what is most difficult to talk about. Because how do you express a climate with words?
“Brotherhood.”
“Privacy.”
“Listen.”
“Meet each other and accompany each other with respect, from the awareness of the difficulty we have with this.”
“Security.”
“Thank.”
“I realize how not asking for help limits my relational life a lot.”
“Share with men.”
“Connect with my needs.”
So thanks. Thanks to all the participants who listened to our call and signed up to share what asking for help is like for you. You have helped us to better understand what happens to us men -perhaps not all of us, of course, although seeing that 12 strangers share so many patterns that it is difficult to think that we are the only ones.
From here, with this learning and these keys, we prepare the second session of this journey: a practical workshop to address all these patterns from the Process Work tools. A journey to realize and be a little more free and responsible.
Sign up?
REGISTRATION: https://forms.gle/g3V9PFahpeVySHXv9
Registration for the workshop costs €50. If you can’t afford it, pay what you can.
*We understand the male identity as a social construction and a subjective experience, and therefore we invite and welcome any person who identifies himself, totally or partially, in this way.
CONTACT AND MORE INFORMATION
info@samuelmartinezmartin.es
diegovelosotp@gmail.com
Workshop held with the support and supervision of the Process Work Institute